You may think I would have realised that I was dealing with long-term stress at this point… But, it was only something that hit me after a Google search. And, if you’re a user of The World Wide Web, you will know that typing any symptom into a search engine will only lead to one conclusion; swift, impending death. Usually, I’d take any online diagnosis with a pinch of salt, but noticing the worry line etched into my 25-year-old forehead, my inability to switch off, and realising the last time I felt truly relaxed was sometime last year, made the likelihood of sustaining a heart condition not so far fetched.
The reasons that had kept me bound - the security of a full time job and wages, and not knowing what would happen if I went self-employed - came from a place of fear. I was scared to take a leap. I was scared to fail… But the thought that my life would be over before I had the chance to do all of the things I have dreamed of, made me feel a fear that does not compare in any way. Even typing this made make me feel sick in my throat.
So, I handed in my notice, and, as of July 2019, I will be ready to pursue all the things I’ve never fully had the chance to until now. I get butterflies when I think about it. Nervous ones, but also giddy optimistic ones I haven’t felt since childhood; something I never quite expected.
Despite my best intentions, I hold my hands up and say that I couldn’t keep up with the plan I set myself in last month’s Progress Journal… and you can probably understand why. I’ve been busy feeling a lot of feelings, but also being brave, and the time to be brave is only just beginning. Wish me luck!
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