To Bristol, Devon and Back
Soppy post ahead
... At the end of August my cousin arranged a birthday getaway trip, inviting her university friends and I, to pop down to her family holiday home in Devon for a few days. As my cousin has recently finished university and moved to another town, it made sense to make the trip even more worthwhile and include a trip to her new home in Bristol too.
It was great to see my cousin, meet her boyfriend and hang out with her university friends again, after having first met them just over two years ago. They were all as lovely and welcoming as I remembered - happily offering to make me hot drinks, including me in conversations and complimenting my outfits. The biggest thing that struck me was just how unquestioning and understanding they were though. This holiday was one of the best I've had, and not just for the expected reasons of getting away from it all and having free time to do as I pleased. Whilst these were of course wonderful, in retrospect this time away actually taught me a lot about slowing down and listening to my own needs.
It was the first trip where I paid full attention to the ways I was feeling and subsequently took time out when I knew I needed it. Whether it be retreating to my room for half an hour to read quietly or grabbing my camera and going for a walk alone by the river, no one questioned it or acted differently towards me afterwards. This in turn made it a lot easier to talk about my mental illnesses with some of them; something I would have never felt comfortable to do before. Opening up to people, especially when I've only met them once or twice previously, about what scares me most felt so freeing. So even though I would feel very conscious about breaking away from the group to recharge, I feel like this is great progress.
The trip included lots of late nights, glorious lie ins, countless hot chocolates, a day at the beach, watching movies and a lot of laughter. As always, time flew by so quickly, but this didn't make it any less valuable. Sometimes you need time away to fully appreciate what you have when you come home. When I did come home, I dived straight back into my hobbies with full force, and crossed off everything from the day's to-do list, for what felt like the first time ever (ever, ever). I won't lie, it felt SO damn good. It also led me to having one of my 'realisation moments' - where I feel like the subject of a
as the world shifts into perspective - and taking a step back to think about how awesome it would be to do this everyday. Simply feeling ready to put the work in felt soothing enough in itself after feeling unmotivated for so long!
I also got straight into cleaning my room. I am currently working through the KonMari tidying method, and am now the proud owner of an incredibly bare clothes rails, but a collection of far more favourable outfit options. I can't wait to continue on and see how far I get with this. For the first time in my life I can feel a weight lifting. Some odd things have happened out of the blue lately, but they've left me feeling like the universe is on my side. I can feel myself accepting myself, particularly my natural needs. To distance myself, enjoy quality alone time, and know when to cut myself some slack; because when I do, I see far more productivity in return... I must admit it felt pretty nice to blow off making a to-do list for a while and just do as I pleased as well, haha!
Whilst my memory hasn't been too great as of late, through slowing down I've been able to take more in and be far more present in the moment. I've been able to remember what people have said to me a lot more too, and one of these things was that: everyone spends too much time looking down at their feet or phone, when they could be looking up and taking everything in. It turned a stroll through the streets of Barnstaple centre into a poignant moment that has really stuck with me. I'm so lucky for everything that I have and every person in my life. My office is well on its way to being ready and I can't wait to get cracking in there. It's going to be so amazing to have a space dedicated to work and I can see myself gladly spending many hours overtime in there! I have a life that lets me do what I want to do, which can be so ridiculously easy to take for granted, but I promise not to make that mistake anymore.
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it."
- Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off.